At first, the thought of travelling all the way just because you wanted me to be there was a pain in the arse. Especially when I already have a task to complete in the office. But the meet today was rewarding. And quite telling.
What I suspected has been confirmed. Inasmuch as my pride was a little hurt, I thank God for showing me this.
It is not right, but I'll be ok. I hope you find peace in your future endeavours.
My take away from this is I want to learn to emulate your poise and grace in handling an audience.
- That is all -
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Hello there, my 2 patient readers. I am sorry for not blogging for so long #sorrynotsorry
Since the death of my husband, I faced a lot of challenges and right now I have put myself in a path that I may or may not regret -- too soon to tell. But you gotta do what you gotta do and have faith in god. I couldn't and people shouldn't assumed that I can sort out my life in 5 days. It was difficult dealing with an entity without compassion, expecting you to go on as before when in reality you've just lost your right arm.
I have never felt so alone even though I have support from my family. I don't think it is right for me to burden them, especially my father, to take DH's place. My father is an old man, he should be resting and enjoying his retirement. My sister has her own family to care for, same goes to my in-laws. Don't get me wrong, they're ever willing to help. I just feel it's unfair to burden them with my crazy schedule.
My hope is that I will not have too much time on my hands. I wish to have some time off to sort my and Mira's life, but I hope it will not be for too long.
The other night, I read Nong's latest entry and I cried every time I thought about that song!
DH can be an ass sometime, but he was also very supportive. We've know each other for 25 years and married for 17 of it. He has supported me in everything (note the 'lost your right arm' up there) and especially last year, we were a team. And he's been taken away from us. Gone too soon, when Mira and I needed him still. But alas, god has other plans for all three of us.
I haven't visited his grave for more than a month now since we've busy weekends these past weeks. Mira misses him so much that she hasn't stopped talking about him since 2 weeks ago. Since his passing, we visit his grave at least once a month especially when I see that she's starting to miss him.
She'll teringat ayah dia whenever and wherever - dekat dapur (told me a story of how she wanted to help him cook but he won't allow takut kena minyak), dalam kereta (convos they had, his driving skills), dekat Jusco, bila ternampak baju ayah dia, when ada taekwondo, etc.
I thought this weekend would be a good time but I have my period pulak. Insyaallah we shall go next weekend.
As you may not have known, I have a spanking new computer -- a Mac Mini. I have been wanting a Mac for a while now but there wasn't a need yet, until now. It became apparent how long it was when I found, whilst clearing out my email, an old article that I kept about iMac G3. I'm not sure why I kept the link, though. LOL.
Until the next post,