Thursday, December 26, 2013

Grief

I have come to detest Wednesday now.

It has been 6 Wednesdays since my husband died. He passed away suddenly on the morning of 13 November. We later found out, he had a heart attack. His actual cause of death as stated in his death certificate was "Cardiac temponade with coronary artery disease'.

Who knew death could be so tiring? I think the first few days I was just running on adrenaline. I was mostly in a daze. It was all so surreal. There were so many things to do, to settle, to organise, to care for, etc. All I wanted to do was stay in bed. Lucky my in laws were there to force me (lovingly) out of it.

But still, there are some things that I just do not have the heart to do it yet.

I only took a week off from work. I shouldn't have come back to work on a Wednesday because walking into my office, facing well meaning colleagues, and then knowing that he won't be picking me up in the evening... was hard. Driving myself home after work that day, I cried all the way. A few days later, slowly things got back to normal. I can never thank my bosses and colleagues enough for their support.

I come to realise that Mira and I haven't really grieve our losses. I think we're both coming to that stage now. With him gone, the only link I feel we have are through his side of the family. Ironic, because when he was alive, we hardly participate. But now as much as I can, I will try to get both of us involve. This somewhat triggered Mira's emotions.

Since we came back from attending his nephew's wedding last weekend, she has been missing her Ayah a lot. Before writing this entry, I just held her in my arms while she cried. I let her, because earlier in the day while she was still sleeping, I cried myself silly thinking about him, too. But how do you console a grieving child? I am at a lost myself. I hope I can sail through this smoothly, unscathed for both of us. Especially her.

Whenever I'm overcome with grief, I have to come out of it quickly because between us, she had it worse. I have known him for years, been through loads of the good and bad times. She's only 9, you know. I pity her having to lose a parent at such a young age. And she was very close to arwah, especially these last 6 to 8 months.

May Allah bestow his guidance to me to help her get through this, and give her the strength in this trying time.

Amin.


xoxo

Monday, January 21, 2013

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

Welcome to a new week of 2013! I am happy to report, the last 2 have been good to us. At the start, I was worried how Mira, who has to go back to her usual school instead of the Dyslexic Centre, will cope with this new routine and not so new environment. I mean, she missed 6 months of Primary 2, and now has to jump into Primary 3.

Will she sink or swim through it?

I took a peep into her Math textbook and got terribly worried. They're going to start learning 10,000 number series and Mira can only count confidently from 1 to 20! But my girl is a champ, she just take it as it is -- one day at a time. Perhaps it also helped that she now can read better, kinda boost up her confidence a bit.

Her teachers seems to be more willing to help this year. Perhaps, it is because of the letters I distributed at the start of school. Perhaps, they went for some motivational course over the school holidays (heh heh). But they do appear more approachable, fun and involved this year.

And then, I worried if she'll be able to fit in or find her old friends since she hasn't seen them for a while. In my opinion, her social skills is not up to par with her peers. They appear to be more mature than her, thus I worry (you worrywart, you!). Again, she surprised me by being so nonchalant about it. She wasn't worried, went to school the first day like as if she's never left. Didn't appear to be scared or nervous, she just followed the prefect who helped her find her class and wave me off.

This year, they've a new class segregation system that some what made most of her former classmates placed into different class than her. No problem mommy, she made new friends.

In the car ride after school to her mengaji place, we usually discuss what happens in school that day. I'll ask her what she learns, if there's any letters/memos from her teachers, if she's any homework to do for the day, whom she has her meal with during recess, etc. Recently I found out that she has no qualm eating alone if her friends are doing things she do not want to do (I worry incessantly about this).

She surprised me ever so often with her independence and happy-go-lucky attitude. I suppose, she took after her momma ;-)



xoxo

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

What will you do for RM35,000?

Pangkor Day 2 (yesterday)

My day ended late. Neither of us officially celebrates Christmas but we get excited about it. So we had our own gift exchange session on the eve that lasts until midnight.

The day started rather early, too. Woke up at 7AM, got ready and had breakfast at Warong Mansur. Must have nasi lemak with 'telur goyang'. It was awh-sum!

After breakfast we headed out to the beach. C took us to her 'secret' beach but we later discovered it has become not so secret any more. Lol.

There were many people with orange vests on the side she we wanted to take us. So we made do with this small cove just before it. Which was perfect! It's like we have a small private pool.

In order to get to the cove, we had to track up a trail from the temple. It took some 15-20 minutes to get to it but it was worth it. Or, you could just hire a small boat.

We just soaked ourselves for hours, utter bliss I tell you!

At about noon, maybe, we tracked back out to have lunch at the same warong. Lunchtime must have? Mee Bandung!

Back to hotel to shower a bit and back out to the beach. This time, just at the main beach. We thought of getting some hawker food for dinner that night.

There was a crowd that night, it felt pretty festive. After dinner we had a chat with the owner of the resort. Had a good laugh planning what we'd do if someone offered to rent a room for RM35k.

It was indeed a merry night :-)

xoxo

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Is this going to be an annual thing?

Pangkor Day 1

I vaguely remembered how this trip come about. We had one in October when we visited C in Miri. I guess that was different?

But we had planned this a while back. Because if we haven't, we'll sure not be able to secure any hotel room. The island is kinda packed today.

C and I (plus Mira) decided to try a new bus operator this time. It's a VIP coach, with 3 seats in a row. The bus was a little bit late that we reached the Lumut jetty at about 2PM. E and her boys are already waiting for us there.

Initially, we planned to have our lunch at Warong Mansur but alas, we were famished! We decided to have Nasi Beryani at Lumut waterfront.

We headed to the jetty an hour later (nasi habis, kena tunggu depa masak baru FML) and there was a loooooooooooobg queue, ohmai! We only checked in at 5PM.

Quickly changed, headed to the beach.

There goes my wish to just lay at the beach, clearing my mind whilst I soak up the sun! And no wonder I'm feeling tired right now.

There's still tomorrow, though ��

We're planning to check out the night 'market' soon. TTFN.

xoxo


Sunday, October 14, 2012

Quickie

Because if I look for a proper post title, this will not be published at all.

I am still ah-livvveee, people. Busy -- with work, mommy duties, driver duties, daughter yang soleha (hehe!) duties and then some. So today I have decided to quickly post something using the iPhone app. Cool stuff.

Mira was supposed to go back to her school mid September. But seeing how happy she is at DCM and also I'm not too sure if she's ready, I made the decision to let her stay until the end of school year. Thus, she'll be in standard 3 when school reopens in 2013.

Not sure how she will cope with that but such is life.

Anyhow, we stopped by her old school to submit the leave extension letter awhile back. She kinda miss the school. I guess that is a good thing.

She wanted to join taekwondo next year. I took the liberty to rearrange her daily timetable now in anticipation of next year's activities rather than procrastinate.

I moved her piano lessons to Thursday night. There's no available slots on Sunday afternoons. I thought of enrolling the both of us for tennis leasons, but now I'm not too keen pulak.

Then, I also have to move her ballet classes too as she'll continue going to DCM classes on Saturdays for 'tuition' next year. It's a half day thing and it clashes with her class.

Alas, there's no available spot during that time period. Because we have to pay fees per term, I didn't continue her classes there. I'm waiting for confirmation from one center to see if they'll open a class in November. If not, I'll have to check out nearby dance schools.

We suddenly find ourselves with free time over the weekends! Haha!

Yesterday, we went to Starbucks for brunch and for me to have some course work done. Also, because I wanted to visit Celcom branch to sort out something.

And then this morning, we went jogging at the nearby park! Ikr. DH was perplexed, too. LOL.

I think we can make this a new routine from now on. Running will be good for Mira too. She need to have stronger stamina for ballet. With all the jumping she has to do in her recent class work, we find that she tires easily.

I miss writing here. But work has been crazy. Compared to before, I don't even have time to visit my usual online jaunts. Curi-curi baca Twitter via phone je. Sigh. Now with iPhone, I find it easier to check FB, too.

Oh yeah. I got myself an iPhone 4. Actually, it was dad's. A gift he didn't want. Anak solehah kan, dapat lah preferential treatment. LOLz.

I wanna get myself an iPhone 5 for my birthday next year, insyaallah. #Secret


xoxo