Saturday, October 30, 2010

I don't use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough.

If Cinderella said (sang) that a dream is a wish your heart make... what do you make out of these two?

I dreamt Mr Gadget left the Hotness after he had sucked out all his wealth. TH came to see me and suddenly, I am now living together with him, as in, I am renting a room or something. I know we didn't sleep in the same room, or with each other. Even subconsciously I remembered his orientation. Hiks!

But through time, as it seemed in the warp speed that is your dream timeline, I was his shoulder to cry on, we became a very close friend. Like, I am his new BFF. His problem came to its climax when MG (and his new boyfriend who is also a lawyer, I might add) was at the last bid to clear out everything TH owns... unless he is married.

It's like if TH is married, MG cannot continue to ruin his life rule or something. Strange.

He discussed his predicament with me and we agreed to get married (yes, to one another, my real self was just as shocked as you are) in order to stop the menace in wrecking more havoc in his life. He proposed, on bended knee and all that, and as I was about to say yes... when I woke up. Lolz.

I got a glimpse of the engagement ring. Emerald cut with tapered baguettes, you. Lovingly cushioned in a significant blue box ;-)

The next dream happened a few days after.

I don't remember how it came to this but I dreamt Mira and I wanted to commit suicide. This scenario should be morbid, but the whole scene was rather jovial and bright and, I even dare say, comical.

I was standing by a tall bay windows. It looks like I was at my dad's house. Mira was playing nearby and was having conversations with him. At that time, I was feeling a little troubled -- about what, I don't know. Then, happily Mira came to the window and we both started to climb out of it. We started to cry and profusely apologizing to my dad. We were now standing on the ledge, ready to let go.

Now, the strange thing was, my dad's house in real life is on the ground. Even in the dream, the house was just one level at first, but later morphed into a pretty little bungalow by the beach. Heh.

And then it started to rain. I kept wondering, if my dad accepts my apology, should I go back inside? I was about to let go; can actually feel the blood rush, the rain and the wind on my face, when suddenly Mira laughs and said 'Ok' and she climbed back in. I looked inside and saw my dad talking to her, as if none of this ever happened.

I started to climb back in and woke up from the dream... wondering what was that all about?

Nak kata tak cuci kaki before tido, dah cuci dah ;-p


Thursday, October 28, 2010

You laugh because I’m different… I laugh cause I just farted!

And I am not 'different'. I'm just probably more lenient. It does not mean I'm better than the others. It is just me being naughty... or maybe because I believe in simpler stuff. So please don't assume the other person would be as lenient as I am, even if she looks to be like one.

Orang kata 'rambut sama hitam, tapi hati lain-lain'.

Alright, enough with that little insight. I'm happy that the FUP restriction for the month has been lifted. My internet is back to lightning speed and thus, I can live life-in-the-fast-lane again! Meaning, I can multi task, and not have to wait hours (maybe days ~exaggeration) for the Blogger New Post page to properly load. Heh heh.

I did contemplate on upgrading my account, but was put out by the small increase given for the monthly quota. Sangat tak berbaloi.

Previously on the Vampire Diaries as mentioned... about the workshop thing that I had to organize and looking for a new office location that is... the workshop went well, all things considered. It all came together nicely -- boss thought out the training materials by himself, I just helped putting the slides together. I managed to find tables and chairs suitable for training as well as organize food that everybody likes (thanks to MC for recommending the caterer). We brainstormed, we got to know each others SWOTs, we had fun, we even painted... like, in art.

I love the BBQ dinner we had at the end. We all lepak at the boss' place and he and his wife cooked for us. We set all the food on the table and all of us sat around it -- eating, talking, sharing stories. Just like a family. Very nice.

I hope this tight-knit relationship we have will last for a very long time.

As for finding new office space to let. That is still up in the air. We have seen a few places. Boss actually like one but the other two leaders kinda veto-ed it out. They went to look for another one close by, but one don't think it is feasible even though the place was nice.

At the same time, another round of negotiation is currently taking place. What I find disturbing is them discussing about it with the agent that we are in contact with. It's like being conspired against. The only way to avoid it is to deal directly with the owners, I guess. Moving forward, this is what I'll do especially now I have a better idea what the management wants.

On the other hand, boss and I had seen this other place nearby, and we both think it has potential. I am glad I insisted the other two to go view the space as well recently (we nearly didn't because they thought the other deal has some-what confirmed... but apparently not). Hence, if current negotiation fell through we have another option to consider.

So, after a busy two-weeks, this week can relax a bit. And next week, we'll be welcoming November and then before we know it, we will say goodbye to 2010 and hello 2011-OMG! Do you remember all the hullabaloo that was the Y2K? We sailed through without incident and look where we are at now -- DOUBLE DIGITS YO'. Lol.

I am rather excited for the new year to come because Mira will be starting primary one. All the new uniform shopping, new stationery shopping, new school shoes shopping, etc. to look forward to!

Not looking forward to? Tutoring Mira on her homework -_-'


Saturday, October 16, 2010

You have 937 messages... all of which are marked "urgent".

In September, we were told to expect some changes to happen to our business come October. It can either be viewed as a good move forward or, if you are a pessimist, horrible things can happen after this. Now that October is finally here, a couple of things transpired:

One, boss has decided perhaps we should move into our own office. We're currently renting a place in a serviced office, which can be expensive in comparison to the office space. The space we have now will not accommodate any growth in the next 12 months unless we get a bigger and more expensive unit.

Thus, yours truly have been busy visiting sites and getting quotes for 1,001 kind of things. I think we have narrowed down to two possible buildings -- one new, one kinda old but the space is ginormous as well as cheap. I am hopeful the final decision can be made next week. Other than fitout issues, there is pesky timing thing to think about.

I have to say though, it is very difficult to work with invisible budget :p

Two, the leadership team has decided to organize a communication session cum workshop to announce this change. We ended up making the announcement earlier because it involves certain issues which the staffs need to know earlier. So now there is the workshop portion je lah yang kena buat which was planned to be held next week.

Initially, we thought of doing it away from KL. After a few rounds of discussion, the plan changes... and now I think it won't even happen, at least, not this year.

Three, when I came on board, I observed that some tasks are handled by an external entity. I was informed it was because the person who did admin before me wasn't familiar with it. I thought that service comes together in a package. So, I had been doing purely secretarial and admin for the past 7 months.

Recently, I saw their first invoice to us and was surprised that said tasks are charged on adhoc basis. I made a quick calculations and after discussing it through with my BFF-merangkap-life coach IggySingh, brought it up to the boss for discussion. My intention was to handle the tasks myself and for the company to pay me instead whilst saving some money in the process.

What I got was a promotion and a bigger pay cheque! ^_^

In terms of job scope, they're the same as when I was with the Hotness, so no biggie. I did a lot of things back then, wasn't even properly acknowledged in fact. To make this 'victory' sweeter was when I got to know the saiko-chick who replaced me either forgotten or didn't bother to do something that has now put them in a mess. How I got to know about this? Her replacement had to call me a few days ago because they needed some information. Hah!

I received my promotion letter on Friday. What a good way to end the work week, huh?

Bersyukur sangat!


Monday, October 4, 2010

Writes injuries in sand, kindnesses in marble.

Statement-statement yang tak masuk akal:

  • Sebab you punya perangai yang suka memalukan orang dan hati busuk la hidup you jadi macam ni! You tak fikir ke?
  • Kenapa pulak I kena beritahu you semua? Suka hati I la nak bagi you atau tak. 
  • Kenapa I tak boleh tahu pulak? Mana adil kalau semua I yang kena! Kan dah kata tahun ni giliran you settle kan benda tu.
  • Oh, time I tolong you dulu, you tak kira? Kenapa suka ungkit pasal I pulak sekarang.

I rest my case. You are unrepentant and delusional. You don't even understand. If people (meaning: from your camp) think I'm the bitch, well... frankly, I don't give a damn. I am the one who had to go through it, not them. I'm the one who live in it, not them.

It's not like I never tried. I've tried so many times; to the point where threats and promises become worthless.

No point arguing and trying to save things now, because it can't be saved anymore. I don't want this. I think I've repeatedly say it for the past 3 years. I remembered at the eve of the year I turn 35, I said I want to move forward. I want things to change for the better. It is frightening to see how time just flies and nothing changes. Nothing!

Well, there were glimpses of sun, but just as soon the clouds will turn gray and rain started to fall. Again. I'm always given false hope.

I admit, I was scared before. Going it by myself, knowing I'm not that stable to stand on my own yet. So I relented. I gave in. Once. Twice. And so on. But you know what? I'm done. Now, I have a plan and I plan to see it through.

I also realized I cannot even depend on you to help me. I will always have to look for outside help. But I am expected to help you all the time, all the way. Even though I have no means of helping you myself, it'll still be something I have to deal with. It's like as if it is my responsibility to clean up the mess no matter what, no matter how.

But when it comes to me, you'll just shrug your shoulders and be on your merry way. You don't even bother to ask if I'm ok or how am I coping. WTF.

In retrospect, I shouldn't be surprise. Deep down I know you're capable of not caring. The one incident I can never forget until now was that year when we fell ill and you're hardly there for us. I want to say how bizarre it was, and then I remembered it has always been the case. You just never care enough.

So now, we come to this point again, where I decide to move on and never look back. I don't know how other people can do this so easily -- it can never be the case for me no matter how many times I tried. Jangan harap la dia nak bagi. I guess, why let go of your lifesaver when you can depend on it so much, eh? And I'm not even talking about me.

Please self, you need to be resolute about it this time! We need to get out from under. Leave the baggage outside the door, move on and be happy. It shouldn't be too hard, right? RIGHT??